red flag on brown sand

The Red flags in me

Pointing out red flags in others is very easy. I mean, you can find 10 flaws in others if you want to. People can always find faults in others or can always blame others easily.

When I read a post by my favorite blogger about her red flags, I find that courageous. Because it’s hard to self-analyze and hard to admit what flaws we have. She gave 6 red flags about her and I think that’s amazing, (not the red flags but her self-assessment).

Usually, I don’t do such posts, but let’s try something fun and let me evaluate my red flags.

Red flags in me

1: I get angry fast

It’s not like I am always angry, but sometimes I overreact to certain things. I sometimes say things in a loud tone and that could be hurtful to others. My anger is like a wave, it comes and goes, but still, I overreact fast.

Red flag in me- anger is like a wave
Photo by Emiliano Arano on

I sometimes come out as rude. Though I am not rude necessarily, I guess due to my voice or way of talking, people consider me rude. And, sometimes I’m intentionally rude.

2: I have an inability to make friends

Believe it or not, I am not capable of making friends. The main reason for that is I don’t have things to talk about. I cannot hold a conversation, many times I don’t know how to be interesting.

When I look back, I have very few friends. Some of my friendships are 15 years old, and some of my friendship is with 15-year-olds. I have friends from the age of 15 to 50, but my friendship with them has its limits and I don’t want to cross that limit.

man wearing mask sitting near window panel
Photo by Abdulrahman Abu Shaer on

If I stand in a group (which I won’t) I cannot say anything interesting that can attract people.

I read books like “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, but most of the time I don’t want to.

3: I’m not comfortable in public

This could or could not be my red flag. The reason for my discomfort was my weight. I once was 107 kg and that made me nervous to be in public. I feel all eyes are on me and everyone is judging this fat guy. Now, that I’ve lost weight, I’m still not much confident.

At the gym, I’m a different person, there I talk to people about workouts, I’m a bit comfortable, but still I may not be comfortable with those people outside the gym.

I am also shy, although being shy isn’t bad, it’s just people don’t understand this. Sometimes, I am in the mood to talk, other times I wish to ignore people.

4: I am a weirdo

I consider myself a weirdo because my taste in things is very different. I don’t like sports, I don’t understand them, I don’t participate in them. I don’t have any special quality to talk about. I am an ordinary person.

If I look back, then I don’t have an interesting story from life to share. I think, a lot, that I will say this or that, but I don’t. My mood fluctuation makes me a weirdo. Very few people have seen the real me, and I am not okay to bring out the real me with everyone. I consider myself a weirdo because I don’t like doing normal things with people.

Red flags in me- my mood fluctuates

I can get bored with people, my mood can fluctuate, and I don’t know when I can suddenly be upset or happy for no reason.

5: I am in constant search of someone

I sometimes feel I need someone special in my life. For that, I sometimes invite people in my life and I start expecting things from them. When things don’t work out, it hurts me. This is my red flag because, I feel an urge or loneliness and due to this I sometimes put people into a position where they can easily hurt me, or I can get affected by their actions.

I feel, that maybe because my heart is soft, somewhere or the other I am not like a typical man, I care about the feelings of others, I love to get involved, but in the process, I hurt myself. I trust people easily and sometimes make a wrong decision, and later I regret it.

This is my red flag because I am unable to get out of this cycle.

6: I am unable to make a quick decision

I am unable to decide a few things fast. I may need some time to process. However, this is a neutral thing, but I am unable to make crucial decisions fast.

Then, when a wrong action happens from my side, I regret it. Later I feel like hey, I should have done/said that, but till then it’s already late.

I guess that’s it for now. I cannot think of anything else, however, I am sure there are tons of things. These are my red flags. Not many people understand it, and I feel I don’t have the time and energy to explain it.

I hope the potential bride or her family doesn’t read it, but even if they do, they will see how honest I am.

I won’t be telling you to share your red flags, because I’ve seen how well people have responded to my previous post.

Until next time, Keep smiling.

55 responses to “The Red flags in me”

  1. nicely shared and honest, Devang.
    .. though I do agree with Sadje G… not all seen as red flags. would have never guessed you “don’t have things to talk about ” 😁


  2. These are very relatable red flags 🚩 I also have the inability to maintain friendships. Sure, I can make friends but the maintenance involved is too much for me. Either I say the wrong thing and the completely cut me off right then and there, or someone doesn’t reciprocate and I get annoyed and end the friendship. Or they get mad because they think I’m ignoring them (I don’t mean to, my brain doesn’t always register when someone is talking to me).

    You’re definitely not boring and always have a lot to talk about. Socializing with ppl IRL is hard. I also don’t like going out in public unless I’m talking to a cashier.

    • Actually friendship requires a lot. I’ve learned it over the time.
      Sometimes we need similar connect with the people. We may need similar energy from people. When we don’t get that energy, it may not last long.

      Sometimes we need understanding from people. Like you said you cannot be always available so people need to understand that you are not ignoring them. However, for special someone we always find time somehow ( that’s what I believe), or we have that understanding.

      I only talk this much here, haha
      Now, I’ve stopped socializing. I’ve stopped trying 😛

  3. I would agree with the other bloggers who disagree with your self-evaluation. You have things to talk about, and when you talk about them, then you discuss them thoroughly and intelligently. You’re not weird – you’re smart. I can relate to sometimes having a desire to be closer to people than they want to be with me…especially if they seem really nice and i like them, it can lead me to reach out and expect them to reach back, but if they are busy or just not motivated to reach out, it produces a surprising amount of negativity in me. I once considered telling the people involved how i felt, but realized that i really had no legitimate reason to expect them to reciprocate. There is no law saying, “become friends with your boyfriend’s sister,” or “call your sister from time to time.” I therefore decided to move on and leave them alone and find some friends through an activity or two. The BEST and only way I’ve found to make good, lasting friends, is to volunteer. I made one of my two best friends through tutoring kids who were living in a shelter. We used to share rides to the shelter, and we would chat in the car on the way to and from it, and as a result we have stayed friends even through living far apart. As for mood swings, i find that i do best with a diet that is very high in fiber. Lentils and bulgur was a revelation to me when I first ate it for lunch. Now quinoa and other grains are staples in my diet. They keep me from feeling angry and depressed as a result of low blood sugar…..Thanks for your posts – they are always interesting.

    • Hey thanks for sharing all this.
      I appreciate it 😊

      Sometimes we don’t know what’s creating negativity in us. It’s great that you know what’s causing that in you.

      Sometimes we give and don’t get back the same energy.
      Friendship can thrive anywhere and at any age. I was reading an article that says even people with different age groups can be friends.

      I think mood swings are normal. We are human after all, we cannot be always happy or excited. But to not acknowledge that or to ignore that is not normal.

      Thanks for your valuable comment. 🙇🏻‍♂️

      • Sorry for the slow reply – somehow missed your comment. Yes, I have found that friendship is like a wildflower – it rarely pops up where expected and within the social circle where it should be automatic, but it blooms when and where it wills, and we should be glad to find it even with people who seem different in age and situation. Yes, mood swings seem fairly normal to me, too. It’s also interesting to note which foods seem to impact moods. People blame sugar and chocolate for highs and lows, but what’s most interesting to me is that things like kale salad can boost my mood almost immediately…I am not 100% sure why! Thank you for your always interesting blog!

  4. Devang, a lot of what you said is not weird at all. Many people are shy and feel awkward around others And what you said about not having interesting stuff to talk about is how I have always felt. When I would join into a conversation with someone, what I had to say always seemed to not matter to them. So I started to withdraw and not talk to people unless they ask me something. All of us are unique and there is nothing wrong with that. But it is good that you are able to know your strengths and weaknesses.

    • Well yes
      And looks like I cannot change it
      No matter what amount of books I read
      What kind of content I consume. It’s something that I cannot change.

      Now I’m used to it .

      How are you doing??

  5. I think you did a very deep analysis of yourself. I wouldn’t have called those traits red flags. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. I find that a lot of younger people feel that they are missing out by not having lots of friends. When you get older, it’s harder to develop good friendships with people who share the same interests. Also, you become busy with your family (spouse, kids, career) so you don’t have as much time to socialize. The best thing is, the older you get, the less you care about what others think of you and you become more confident and happy with who you are.

      • I think of friends as characters that appear for one or more chapters in the novel that is your life. Even if you find a really good friend, they might not stay. I’ve had close friends who moved to other countries and close friends who passed. Also close friends who married and become busy with their kids. When you find a good friend, you spend what time you can with them.

  6. Glad you decided to share your red flags too. They were honestly very relatable and I’m the same way except the last two. I’m never really in search of anyone anymore and I’m pretty good at making quick decisions. But I’m also weird, bad tempered, uncomfortable in public and bad at making friends.

    • It’s not like I want anyone for anything specific 🤭
      It’s just I feel a need of someone special and exclusive. I guess there’s a void. 🤷🏻‍♂️

      What kind of quick decision you meant?
      I make quick decision, but something I regret few of them.

      I don’t know if you are weird or not. For me you are cool and attractive person. Someone we may want as a friend, but to reach at that point maybe be typical as you are like a queen 👑
      Hard to explain what that means, it’s like you are too classy 😛

      Even with all this, I see you as a dear friend 🤗

      • That’s fair, we all get lonely sometimes 😞

        I think we all have regrets. I know I have many of them but that’s life.

        Lol, absolutely not too classy. But people don’t really like me when they meet me so I don’t know if you would want to be friends if we met in real life 🤷🏻‍♀️

      • What’s the reason of people not liking you when they meet??

        Is it your humor?
        Or your mood?

        I am not sure if I could have become your friends outside wp first 😛
        But now that I like you, I’m sure we can stay friends “when” we meet irl 💁🏻‍♂️

      • Idk, I think they think I’m weird or lame or something 🤷🏻‍♀️

        Haha, let’s see. You may change your mind when you meet me 😅

      • I will gift you some kachoris so that you remain good 😝

        I don’t think you are lame or something.
        I’m telling you, you are too classy. Maybe people consider you unapproachable? 🤔
        Need to ask dentmistry, what’s up with you. But for sure it’s not lame or weird.

        The way you are here is the way you are in reality. Talking you for over 2.5 years now, no way one can hide their actual personality for this long.
        When I first talked to you I was afraid as you are a big thing, but you were very sweet.
        So it’s just people maybe judgey for some reason, but there’s nothing wrong from your side.

      • Lol yay, I love kachoris😅

        Idk why people don’t like me but I’m fine with it, I’ve found my group where I fit in 😊

        Yeah, I try to be as authentic as I can be online but you never fully know someone so maybe I’m crazy lol 🤪

      • Well yes, you are complete and sufficient. You have some good long lasting friendship in life and that’s enough 🙂

        You don’t know sound crazy. I would have got an hint. But then, I never chatted with you properly, so you never know 😛

  7. We all have our ways about us that some may see as red flags. Thank you for sharing. One thing we have in common is I cannot get into sports really. I have tried thinking I’m missing out on something.🤷🏾‍♀️

  8. All have their own red flags. These vary from person to person due to varying perceptions. What I consider a red flag, others may not think so. The purpose, however, is to identify shortcomings, and try to mitigate the same to the extent possible.

  9. Posts like these are so interesting! It’s nice to learn more about you. Some of these I don’t see as a bad thing, necessarily. Even with these things, I think you’re still very cool, kind, and worth getting to know and be around! 🤗 Based on this list, we have some things in common, you’re very relatable. Thanks for sharing 🌸 I think you’re more interesting than you realize and there’s definitely nothing wrong with liking different things 🙂

      • Why?

        When I was in my school, I was a terrible introvert. I used to be very emotional/ senti-menti. I used to cry at school. I couldn’t even talk much. I used sit at the back bench just because I didn’t want the teachers to see me. Ha ha . I even used to think what I’m gonna talk about with my friends. If any day something interesting happened at home, I used to practice how to tell my friends about that story when we will meet at the school the next day. But at school, it never happened … ha ha 😀 I preferred to be quiet and a good listener though. They talk, talk, and talk and I even had no idea what they’re talking about …. I had a very few friend and they didn’t know that I can talk. They used to call me Cold beauty 😀

        Now I can talk about things, and people find in me a good friend to them. I’ve diversified friends circle from older people to young to my age group as well. Some need to heal and they may call me and we would talk for hours. But only I’ve very few friends with whom I may share things, exchange our opinions, travel to places, etc. but still I know how much introvert I’m inside. Oh! I’m sharing a lot of things. Ha ha 👻

        Few days ago we had a small get together with few of my school friends. There one friend came to meet us after a long long time, and she has the most amazing memory of all of us, but unfortunately she couldn’t remember me at all. She tried hard to remember me. Then two days ago, she called me, and she told me that she could remember me, saying, ‘Roksana, you were the girl who was the quietest of all that you skipped my memory.’ Ha ha ☺️ That friend left school after SSC exam and did her high school and university in Delhi. She was sharing lots of her memories about her stay in Delhi.

        Today I was reading your this post and I was thinking about all these red flags that’s so relatable to me too …
        Except the number one.
        I don’t get angry easily. I may become emotional easily. But over the years, I’ve even learned not to show it to others ….

        On that get together, after the dinner, we were saying goodbyes to each other, then one of my bosom friend hold my hands, and she asked, ‘Roksana, tell me why do I feel that you keep yourself in a different world …. And I told her, ‘Oh! Because I want that world around me away from you all 😊 and I don’t give entry to anybody.’ Then she said, ‘You’re fine in that world?’ I told her, ‘Yes, absolutely.’ ☺️

        I know how much weirdo I’m and yet people love me a lot. So grateful for that.

        So love all these RED flags just like that


  10. “Normal” is highly overrated. Who is it that tells us what “normal” is?

    Fabulous post and insightful look inside, D. What is a red flag for one person, may be that point of connection with another. I constantly am working on SOMEthing about myself, but I believe that is how we learn and grow. Us ‘weirdos’ make life interesting….stay strong, stay YOU, and love every part of who you are. 💞💞💞

  11. I would not have guessed that you find it hard to make friends. From your blogging presence, you make it seem so easy to connect with people and personable.
    I can relate…because I have a hard time making friends too and keeping them. I usually push them away because I think they won’t like me and push me away first. It’s mostly fear.
    Thanks for sharing honestly on this topic…it takes courage to be vulnerable and this honest.

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